Yours forever! exasperatedly!!!!

This month, we complete 5 years of our blissful matrimony. 5 months from now, my younger sister will begin her matrimonial life. Nostalgia of my own day and watching her getting all prepared to commit this big mistake of her life, has made the inner saint in me come alive. We all spend more time in planning the wedding, than in actually planning our marriages. As Raymond Hull has very rightly pointed out

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

In these 5 years me and my better or worser half! have faced many challenges together, completed our tumultuous rigrous post graduation together, shifted through 3 cities and 5 rented accommodations and now looking forward to a sixth one. Also we have together received a lot of blessings in the form of my 2 devil angels.

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you did not even have when you were on your own.

Marriage at first was fun and easy breezy, just the two of us clicking and rejoicing in our new found freedom. Then it got tough when we tried to fit ourselves in intricacies of each other’s families, and at times it got rough. But overtime with rising maturity and endurance levels, it became smooth once again.

I am too young to be preaching on how marriage works, but over the years I have developed a few of my own safety mechanisms to carry on with life. I dont think the usual ‘ love hard, surprise each other with little things’ works in real life as you realise that raising two kids and running a house drains you of all your energy and leaves no time for planning surprises.

I call it the marriage CPR. Not cardiopulmonary resuscitation, like we medical people do, even though sometimes in life all you want to do is lie flat on your back for want of some fresh oxygen, but your kids jump so hard on you that to save your ribs from any fracture, you need to be up on your feet again.

First and foremost and perhaps the most difficult is 1. To be Calm. Fighting with passion and voicing our opinion vociferously is something we all excel at. We marry in order to tell our soul mates of all the things which aggreive us in the most unapologetic manner. But in my experience it never really works. In an argumentative mode, our correct point drowns in the cantankerous melancholy. Almost like an icicle which will melts itself in a hot heated environment; will not strike a lethal blow. But once you have cooled down, regained your poise and wit; you can put your point across in the most formidable manner! And the icicle will strike a lethal blow. Round won!

Calmness as a war strategy or a strategy in general life is the most difficult to maintain as we all have in built volcanoes ready to explode, any time any minute. When a Tsunami of never ending relatives, enter your homes, do your deep breathing exercises, remember all the goodness of meditation and be calm.. They are not here to stay forever.

2. No one is Perfect. No Prince out there is Perfect. And neither are we ourselves. So don’t remind him of every single mistake he does, or every major detail he forgets, just the same way you don’t want to be reminded of your weight issues every time you order your favourite dessert. Find beauty in imperfections. Hard as it is to fathom, the two perfect monsters that we have created, will never let your house be the perfect immaculate spanky place that it was minus your misters smelly shoes or wet towels. So let it go. Don’t drain yourself in maintaing the aesthetics of the house. Only worry about hopefully finding the right thing at right time through the clutter!!

Also, don’t strain yourself to be perfect. Don’t go over budget or over strenuous in performance of your daily duties. Appreciate yourself. If you spend an entire hour in rearranging and cleaning his almirah so that it looks like it does not belong to cavemen, and he barely notices, box him on his head and next time don’t do it. Let him go back to his jungle lifestyle. And when he asks you for help, make a big deal out of it.

3. Remember the good times you have had. Always keep a picture of your good times or vacation in your phones or nearby. They help you maintain a state of zen, when you are infinitely stuck changing diapers and doing potty training. When you want to box your husband for the infinite time for ignoring his share of daily chores, remember why you loved him in the first place and try to remember the good old days with him.

Remember to find time away from each other. Your marital vows did not tell you to mercilessly give up on your own hobbies or friends. Find time to escape the madness, hide in a corner of the house and read, if that is what you want to do. Remember your interests and likes and dislikes. Be assertive and enjoy as much as you can. Remember, there is no guilt in that.

Nobel prize winner Albert Einstein, was as absent minded as he was brilliant. I suppose his wife tried hard to change him for his own betterment. The quote he left us is:

Men marry women with the hope that they will never change. Women marry men with the hope that they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

Hopefully, this CPR technique of Calmness, Imperfections and Remembrances will not disappoint you. Best wishes to each and every one of you to strengthening your blissful matrimony. Till then, we all tumble through this beautiful journey called Life with hope, confidence, forgiveness and love.

Published by Amrita

A regular person. Loves to read, love and write. A mother of two. A doctor by profession. Ferociously enthusiastic, adventure seeker and lover of life.

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